You have a covenant, an agreement made with your parents that they will provide you with an environment which will shape you and mould you into the personality, having the special characteristic traits that you have. They shaped you into what you became. Your formative years till 12 were your shaping years with almost 80% of the work done in the first 5 years alone. The rest of your life from the time you became a young adult was a repeat telecast of what you had absorbed from that time.
They kept their end of the bargain but YOU didn’t. You didn’t do the inner work once you became an adult. You didn’t look at yourself from the inside. You were not self-reflective rather you thought others were at fault and so you blamed other people. You went on looking for new people to replace the old ones. But every time you were disappointed. The problem wasn’t outside, the problem was on the inside.
Have you ever wondered why children go to heaven if they die but adults are questioned?
When you were growing up your sensitivities made you believe that LOVE does not exist. You failed to realise that it did exist. It existed within you. You looked everywhere for love but within. You concluded early on that love does not exist, there is only compromise. You were wrong. Love existed but you were looking at the wrong places. You couldn’t find it because you looked outside for it. You begged others for it.
Love resides within. And can only be revived through inner work. Your self-awareness leads you to it. And when you have untangled yourself, you reclaim your heart. Every spiritual teacher talks about this inner journey, by name of tazkiya, purification of heart, revive your heart (Noman Ali Khan), reclaim your heart (Yasmin Mujahid) and many books written on the topic of reclaiming the heart.
Only inner work makes you reach your heart. Only inner work changes you. Only inner work leads you back to love, your fitrah. Your parents kept their end of the deal but if you do not honour your end of the bargain you die a regretful death. Do you want to be one of them?
When you do the inner work, you start to change and the people around you begin to simultaneously change too. Once you have reclaimed your heart, your parents are absolved of their bargain to act a certain way. There is no forgiveness needed in this case because there was no harm done. Everything was done to build you into who you are. Only gratitude ensues, only thankfulness is felt and finally you feel ALIVE!
Like Denise Hildreth Jones from her book Reclaiming your heart says, “No one can take your God-designed heart away from you. Only you can hand it over. And only you with God’s gracious help – can take it back.”
Thank you Ammi, Abbu for showing me what real love is. Thank you for making me reach my heart. I wish you all the love and peace in your married life. We both kept our end of the agreement. (Special thanks to Gill Edwards – Stepping into Magic- for the idea of a parental covenant)
